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Airport Security Arrangements. Just Take it Easy
By Erin Israel, Rehovot.blogspot.com
"Yes, these are my bags. Yes, I know a little Czech. And he's right over there! No, haha, just kidding. My husband is already in Israel. I speak English.
Yes, I stayed with family in Prague. Yes, I can tell you their address. Yes, here's my passport. Yes, I'm American.
What does my husband do? I don't think I really have the math background to explain it. I can barely spell "Banach". No, not "Bach"; "Banach."
Mathematics, not music.
Me? I write.
Um, poetry?
Oh. Well, since you ask, thanks. Yes, last year, in a small--but good--journal.
I don't know. I think it's based in Oregon.
Yes, here's my passport. Ok, and my ticket, too.
What?
I don't know. That's the ticket the travel agent issued us. The ticket here was electronic.
Where?
What? These are my bags. I packed them this morning. That passenger at the other table said he gave his bags to a porter. I was my own porter. They were never out of my sight for a second.
Where are we going?
Sure, you can x-ray the bags.
Ok, it's been half an hour. Can I go check in now?
You want me to WHAT? But I just packed everything this morning. I guarantee you that it'll explode if I try to repack it.
NO, NO, I didn't mean it that way! I just meant that it's all squished in there. But you just x-rayed everything.
In the hallway? You expect me to just go sit there while you go through my stuff?
No, I don't want any water.
That's a blender. My aunt-in-law gave it to me while we were in Austria. They're really expensive in Israel. I think we'll use it for gazpacho or something.
Yes, Austria. By train.
Because I like gazpacho.
Yes, this is my computer. No, I don't know what that little hole is for. This is a USB port, that's another one, this is for headphones, this is for the power cord, this is the phone line. NO, DON'T OPEN THAT!!! That's the battery pack. Please, if you'll let me...
Would you like to see my Master's thesis?
Well, yes, it's a little obscure. Is that all you need with this? Ok, could you maybe NOT keep pushing that button? It runs down the battery.
Why are you taking everything out of my suitcase?!
Those are dirty socks.
Well, I did warn you, didn't I?
Why is all of my stuff going in that laundry basket? You're not going to do my laundry, are you? Is this some first-class upgrade that I've stumbled on?
Ok, well, you didn't have to slam the door that hard.
Um, yeah, it's been another half an hour; I'm kind of hungry--HEY, why is my laptop bag emptied out?!? I'm never going to get this stuff repacked?
Are you joking?! You really want to attempt packing MORE stuff into my suitcase, from my laptop bag? Listen, I don't know much about physics, but there's not a whole lot more you can squash into that space.
Right, so I appear to be the only passenger you're doing this to. Oh, sorry, I mean me and the two Arab guys also in the hallway.
You can't give me any explanation as to why you're treating me like a criminal? Is it because of my electronic ticket? Is it because I'm not Czech? Not Israeli? A woman? An American? Because I didn't even vote for him, you know!
Wow, two hundred crowns in the airport cafe. That's real compensation. Hey, maybe you'll help me repack my stuff; forget the crowns, just start shoving those socks in the suitcase."
Source: Erin Israel. "Et ha-KOL buh-TAK-see." "Put it all in a taxi." Rehovot.blogspot.com (27 June 2005) [FullText]
"Yes, these are my bags. Yes, I know a little Czech. And he's right over there! No, haha, just kidding. My husband is already in Israel. I speak English.
Yes, I stayed with family in Prague. Yes, I can tell you their address. Yes, here's my passport. Yes, I'm American.
What does my husband do? I don't think I really have the math background to explain it. I can barely spell "Banach". No, not "Bach"; "Banach."
Mathematics, not music.
Me? I write.
Um, poetry?
Oh. Well, since you ask, thanks. Yes, last year, in a small--but good--journal.
I don't know. I think it's based in Oregon.
Yes, here's my passport. Ok, and my ticket, too.
What?
I don't know. That's the ticket the travel agent issued us. The ticket here was electronic.
Where?
What? These are my bags. I packed them this morning. That passenger at the other table said he gave his bags to a porter. I was my own porter. They were never out of my sight for a second.
Where are we going?
Sure, you can x-ray the bags.
Ok, it's been half an hour. Can I go check in now?
You want me to WHAT? But I just packed everything this morning. I guarantee you that it'll explode if I try to repack it.
NO, NO, I didn't mean it that way! I just meant that it's all squished in there. But you just x-rayed everything.
In the hallway? You expect me to just go sit there while you go through my stuff?
No, I don't want any water.
That's a blender. My aunt-in-law gave it to me while we were in Austria. They're really expensive in Israel. I think we'll use it for gazpacho or something.
Yes, Austria. By train.
Because I like gazpacho.
Yes, this is my computer. No, I don't know what that little hole is for. This is a USB port, that's another one, this is for headphones, this is for the power cord, this is the phone line. NO, DON'T OPEN THAT!!! That's the battery pack. Please, if you'll let me...
Would you like to see my Master's thesis?
Well, yes, it's a little obscure. Is that all you need with this? Ok, could you maybe NOT keep pushing that button? It runs down the battery.
Why are you taking everything out of my suitcase?!
Those are dirty socks.
Well, I did warn you, didn't I?
Why is all of my stuff going in that laundry basket? You're not going to do my laundry, are you? Is this some first-class upgrade that I've stumbled on?
Ok, well, you didn't have to slam the door that hard.
Um, yeah, it's been another half an hour; I'm kind of hungry--HEY, why is my laptop bag emptied out?!? I'm never going to get this stuff repacked?
Are you joking?! You really want to attempt packing MORE stuff into my suitcase, from my laptop bag? Listen, I don't know much about physics, but there's not a whole lot more you can squash into that space.
Right, so I appear to be the only passenger you're doing this to. Oh, sorry, I mean me and the two Arab guys also in the hallway.
You can't give me any explanation as to why you're treating me like a criminal? Is it because of my electronic ticket? Is it because I'm not Czech? Not Israeli? A woman? An American? Because I didn't even vote for him, you know!
Wow, two hundred crowns in the airport cafe. That's real compensation. Hey, maybe you'll help me repack my stuff; forget the crowns, just start shoving those socks in the suitcase."
Source: Erin Israel. "Et ha-KOL buh-TAK-see." "Put it all in a taxi." Rehovot.blogspot.com (27 June 2005) [FullText]
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